I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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