i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
