I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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