after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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