Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
