im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
