I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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