Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
