i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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