I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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