It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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