P.S. I can't hear my feet
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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