so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
