It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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