why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
