Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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