just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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