they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize