so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
