she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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