yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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