jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
