Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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