he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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