I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So many bounce houses so little time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
