I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
