Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
