The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
