Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
