i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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