I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
