please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize