Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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