If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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