Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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