My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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