Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
