the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
