im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
