Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
