he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
