I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
