Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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