did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
