She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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