Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
