I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
