So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was like getting head from an anaconda
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize