i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
