you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
