Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
