She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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