haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize