You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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