i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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