I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
