Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
