my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
