Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
