apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
