I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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