get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
