just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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