i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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