What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
