If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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