my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize