apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
