how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize