why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
