You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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