well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
