Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
