Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
