only you would photoshop your dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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