I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
