i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
