who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
