he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no you cant smoke seaweed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize