Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Randomize
