Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
