I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
