Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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