I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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