My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
