my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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