peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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