He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
