I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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