People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
