My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
