Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my liver is dry heaving
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
