U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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