Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
