so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize