you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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