If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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