i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
