Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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