Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its about making memories worth repressing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
