Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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