We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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