I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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