I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
