Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
