it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
be right there i have to get my cape
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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