I wish my penis had an off switch
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
