halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
