Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
