Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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