Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
