I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
