if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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