I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
